A note.

 "Why should I be happy if I can pretend to be happy?"

- I am not happy

Someone just asked me, "Are you happy?"

Then I spit him with a full of truth  "Of course, I'm not."

It's a trap when you decide to create your own sad version comedy fairy tale. You laugh at your own bad luck, you cry for misfortune choice, and you blame your fairy godmother. You keep doing something you don't really like, you ask for something you don't ever need, and you beg for something that doesn't mean a thing. You bet yourself for a happy-ending cliché story. tl;dr It's not love, it's just a plan to survive. 

Then, he gives me bread crumbs. He said, "You are not in love if you can't feel yourself."

Actually... I don't want to agree, but it's happening. I lost myself, even I miss my old-original-1.0-self. I want her back, asap. But we can't go back (technically I can, but I don't think someone out there can deal with it). Maybe it's just the beginning... of a nightmare. I'm kidding. No. Okay, I'm not sure. Is my life a joke? God, am I a joke to you? Thanks!

I have no clue what I have to do next. I have no one, nothing, no more. 

So, whatever I'll do, please just take a seat and sip the whole artificial happiness that we deserve. Don't get me wrong, I tried my best, I put my ego down to hell. I did one of the hardest things in my life, and I am still alive, doesn't it great? I am a super resilient fuck up human being.

I was mad when I wrote this, for a second. Then realize that I just need to rant this away through this post. Now, I feel better. Better to end this up.

LOL.